Lucyisms

Not pleased with having to spend the day at her brother’s lacrosse tournament, Lucy has brought along her friend Katie for the day. It was an amusing morning of conversations interspersed between LAX games.

Entering the high school, the girls start to discuss the merits of cheerleading.

Katie: When we go to high school, we are definitely not going to be cheerleaders.

Lucy: Right.

Mom: Why not?

Lucy: Because they wear really short skirts, sing stupid songs, and I would definitely have to shave my armpit hair because their arms are always up like when they are spelling out YMCA or something. Plus, have you ever noticed that they always show off their underwear, and it’s not even cute underwear.

Mom: But you and Katie were junior Maverick cheerleaders in kindergarten for LCC. You liked it then.

Lucy: That was different. We were really cute just standing there in the uniforms and running around. And we did not have armpit hair. Plus, I am pretty sure I was wearing polka dot underwear. I know for sure it was not boring white.

Walking onto the fields, Lucy and Katie spot the empty long jump sand pits. They squeal with joy and run for them. Unfortunately, we need to leave while Evan practices.

Mom: Let’s go girls, we ‘ll be back in an hour.

Lucy: But this sand is so cool and shiny and glittery. We need to stay here.

Mom: We’ll be back.

Lucy: But what if a bunch of stinky boys are here when we get back?

Mom: Then you’ll have to share it with them. Maybe make some new friends.

Lucy: What?!? Is it Crazy Idea Day, and nobody told me? Seriously mom, think about it. They’ll stink the glitter right off of it. Sheesh!

Out on the field, one of the boys takes a stick in an unfortunate area and goes down. The game pauses.

Lucy: Looks like he got nailed in the shnibbiddydoo.

Kid on the sideline: What is that?

Lucy: His penis. But penis is a weird word. I think shnibbiddydoo is better.

Lucy and Katie are over by the handball courts behind the LAX field. A boy a few years older is showing off his mediocre skateboard skills.

Lucy: That kid is so weird.

Mom: Why?

Lucy: Because he’s over there thinking he is sooooo cool in front of us.

Mom: I think he’s just riding his skateboard.

Lucy: No, mom. Just riding your skateboard is just riding your skateboard and not looking at the two cute girls nearby. Acting cool and showing off is riding back and forth by the two cute girls and looking to make sure they are watching. He should have just kept riding. We are so out of his league. Doesn’t he realize the Justin Bieber look is just soooo wrong?

Riding in the car with Evan, Katie, and Lucy. True to form, Evan is making fart noises with his mouth, pretending it is from another source.

Lucy: Evan stop it, that is gross.

Katie: Seriously, gross.

Evan: (laughing hysterically) Sorry, I just don’t feel well. I can’t help it. (He does it again, very obviously with his mouth.)

Lucy: (kinda laughing) Evan, stop, Katie is in the car. You are so annoying, that is not even funny.

Evan lets out a big armpit fart.

Lucy: (laughing harder) Seriously evan, stop, that is not funny. (laughs even harder) Oh, who am I kidding, yes it is. (She starts making fart noises trying to outdo her brother.)

While eating lunch at Pei Wei, Lucy is opening fortune cookies.

Katie: What does your say?

Lucy: It says, “Help, I’m being held hostage in a fortune cookie factory, please save me!” Just kidding. It says, “Enjoying the outdoors will bring surprise benefits to you tomorrow.” What kind of fortune is that? BORING!