Lucyisms

As Lucy approaches double digits, it’s only natural that boys are a popular topic. But not like you might think. God help the male that falls in love with my daughter. The following exchange was a few weeks ago.

Lucy: Why are boys SO ANNOYING!

Mom: What happened now?

Lucy: You are not going to believe who likes me.

Mom: Who?

Lucy: John (ok, you have to know I am changing his name here for protection purposes). I mean, seriously, what is he thinking?

Mom: What is wrong with John, you guys have been friends for a long time, he’s very nice.

Lucy: NO! He is annoying, irritating, and, well, A BOY!

Mom: Uh huh. Well, what is so annoying about him?

Lucy: His face. His existence. That he LIKES likes me, not just, “hey wanna play soccer at lunch” likes me, but more like, “hey if I tried to kiss you, would you let me” likes me. GROSS! He should know better. Seriously, seriously, seriously, I am like a whole foot taller than he is. It is just not gonna happen! Ugh!

Mom: Not all of them are annoying. (Ok, really, trying to help the Y-chromo-impaired here with a shout out, but apparently I lacked a certain, J’ne se qua — conviction?)

Lucy: Name one that isn’t.

Mom: (Doh!) Well, your brother is sweet to you sometimes.

Lucy: No! Only when he WANTS something. Like, “Lucy, I’ll help you with your homework if you take my laundry downstairs.” (worth noting that this was delivered in a mocking falsetto).  And besides, he’s gross. He thinks making farting noises is funny.

Mom: Well, someday you will change your mind about boys. In the meantime, be nice to your brother, and be nice to John.

Lucy: Whoa, wait a minute. Why do I have to be nice to John? I do NOT, I repeat, I do NOT LIKE like him. I might not even like him at all. If I even just like him, then he will just keep LIKE liking me, and that is a real problem.

Mom: Well, you have known him for a long time, it’s the right thing to do, just be kind. He is going to be in your life for a while, he’s in your class, you are friends with his sister, Evan is friends with his brother, I am friends with his mom…

Lucy: (cuts me off abruptly) Well then maybe you should call (his mom) and have a conversation so that SHE can set John straight about this whole LIKE liking. As long as he LIKE likes me, I am not going over to his house and I am NOT going to play soccer with him at lunch. So, yah, that’s the perfect plan, you talk to his mom and fix it. Thanks mom. (she skips off upstairs giggling).

Yep, puberty with this one is gonna be GREAT!