Lucyisms

For Christmas dinner, my mother made a roast — no doubt a fine specimen painstakingly chosen and seasoned for the occasion. There was much discussion about how to cook said roast to ensure proper temperature (rare). Lucy is not a big red meat fan. Several years ago she announced she was a vegenarian. Of course, I had to ask what that meant exactly, unsure if she was coining a new term or if she just had the word mixed up (afterall, she was only about 5 at the time). In true Lucy fashion, it was the former. According to Lucy, a vegenarian does not eat meat except for hot dogs and chicken nuggets. Thankfully her palate has expanded somewhat since then, but her disdain for most things bovine persists. So, Christmas dinner is now prepared, everyone sits down — Gram, Papa, Uncle Robert in town for the holidays, me, Evan, and of course Lucy. A piece of roast is plopped on her plate. She balks. The other dishes are passed around, everyone is eating. Except for Lucy.

Gram: Eat your dinner Lucy

Lucy: (starts eating mashed potatoes, carrots, salad — totally avoiding the roast, and then completely deadpan, interrupts the table conversation)
Our dinner used to have big brown eyes and a bell around its neck.

Dessert anyone?